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It's okay to not be okay

Hello Everyone :)

I apologize for how long it's been since my last post.

Unfortunately last week was a not a good week, and I kind of withdrew into myself and was only capable of basic functioning.

Last Thursday my boss of fifteen years suddenly passed away, and to put it mildly, I didn't handle it very well.

It was hard to wrap my head around the fact that someone so full of life could be here one day and then gone the next. My boss was one of those people that always had time for everyone; he was never too busy to help out anyone in need, no matter how big or small a problem he was always there.

He was such a big part of both mine and my husband's life, and was literally my boss for half of my life as I started with the company when I was fifteen and I turned thirty this year.

I've never known my job without him there leading our team, and it's been both strange and scary trying to adjust to things without him.

I'd always loved the fact that my boss was one of those amazing guys that was so much more than just a boss, and my husband and I both considered him a close friend.

When he was so suddenly taken from us, I had a hard time carrying on with things like normal, which is why I haven't posted on my blog in over a week. I was trying so hard to hold it together, and be there for everyone else, that I think I kind of got stuck in the denial and anger stages of grief. 

It didn't seem possible that he was no longer with us, and I didn't understand how this could possibly have happened to such an amazing person. It didn't seem fair that he wouldn't live to see his grandchildren, or so many milestones in his children's lives. 

And then while doing my daily devotions, I read Revelation 21:4 and it really spoke to me.

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

I really felt like this verse was what I needed in the moment, as it illustrated that Jesus is there even in the hardest of times, and that while life will never be the same, it will go on and there's always hope beyond human suffering and the end of this life on Earth.

But I also felt it illustrated the point that it's okay to not be okay. It's okay to need some time to grieve and to step away from our regular schedules, as long as we remember that The Lord goes with us through every step.

Today as I struggled with trying to plan our staff BBQ that has always been him and I doing together in the past, I remembered to be thankful for all the amazing memories we've shared along the way, and all the knowledge and wisdom I learned from him in the process. I'm thankful that this job was brought into my life when it was, and that our Heavenly Father granted me the amazing working relationship I had with my boss for over fifteen years.

I will always miss him, and work will never be the same without him, but I'm going to continue to turn to Jesus to help me through this difficult time, and continue to pray for strength for all of his family and loved ones who've lost him way too soon.

I'm also thankful for all the times he was there for me, and for the many times he listened to me chat on and on about how much I loved my blog, and being apart of the book blogging community.

I was blessed to call him not only my boss, but a close friend, and he will forever be missed by everyone who knew him.

While I may not be okay at the moment, I've learned that that's okay, and that I will be when I'm ready to be. 

I needed a week's break from social media, and that included my blog, and now I'm back feeling refreshed and ready to share bookish content with you all again.

Starting Monday I will be back to my regular posting schedule, and I'm looking forward to sharing my May wrap up, my June TBR, and many book reviews with everyone again.

Thanks so much for reading today guys! I hope you all have a great rest of your weekend, and I look forward to seeing you all again on Monday. 

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